“I'd never really thought about being bi or gay, he explains. “I'd only ever been with girls and had never really been sexually attracted to any guys. “When I was 20 a load of our sixth form year got together for a party. George was a guy from my year I’d known fairly well but never been close to. We chatted for a bit and then we both carried on with the night – not really thinking much about it.” We were both fairly drunk and I remember just feeling happy to see him for the first time in ages and for some reason, knowing he was gay, I kissed him rather than hugging him. So far, so straight – no need to adjust any labels so far. I suppose I'm quite a sexually liberal person and didn't really think of it as being 'gay', it was just was fun and at the time I was enjoying it.” This time, for some reason, I didn't really stop him and before long we were fully making out – we snuck into one of the bedrooms and one thing led to another.”īut was this a harrowing experience? Was there much soul-searching or did Zak just have a blast? Zak continues: “Later on, we were both alone on the landing and he kissed me again. The ability to distance oneself from any gayness of a sex act perhaps comes from how it plays out. Who shags who, who touches what – that kind of thing. Like James getting a BJ from his pal, Zak’s mate was also providing a service of sorts, but Zak was an active participant.
“I ‘topped', I don't think I’d have been comfortable with it the other way around.” “We had sex, both oral and anal,” says Zak. It’s not uncommon for straight men who have sex with another man to experience "gay panic" and feel guilty about what they’ve done and what it means. This can, on occasion, lead to persecution of, or violence against the other guy, whether he’s gay or also straight. But Zak remains unfazed about the experience.